How to Quick Close the Gap Between You and A Goal

by Wendy Down on April 17, 2018

Me, centre with my son, Nick and daughter, Haley. Just sharing because I love those rascals. Plus, I like the way Nick’s pants match the fall trees in the background.

A common description of Life Coaching is, ‘it helps you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be‘. Life Coaching’s focus is on the future, which distinguishes it from therapy or counselling which often address the past.

In my early coaching days, I helped my clients primarily through strategy and action.  “Your goal is to start your small business so… are you ready to begin working on that website?”

While taking action is important, those early clients helped me achieve deeper insight; actions taken towards our dreams put us in direct contact with the emotional roadblocks that have been holding us back.  When we start to move forward, we come face-to-face with feelings previously tucked in the recesses. Uncomfortable feelings like fear, overwhelm, risk and uncertainty come to the fore.

So, my coaching approach evolved. I started helping my clients first move forward emotionally during our conversations. Always, the most pressing emotion to address becomes naturally apparent as they start describing where they are at with a goal or intention that day.

I began using ’emotional energy shifting’ processes, (ones that pre-dated my IN DEEPER process described here), to help my clients achieve stronger footing, greater certainty and clearer vision with which to proceed.

Said another way, I learned how useful it is, when closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be in life, to first close the emotional gap between how you feel and how you want to feel.

When we’ve taken a moment to move through and beyond conflicted emotions, they can’t get in the way when we take our next step.  Fears, inner conflicts, doubts and worries, once absenced, aren’t there to trip us up.  We feel free and confident as we choose the next action and take it. We become increasingly lighter as we move towards our goal.

We don’t have to wait to achieve our goal before we feel really, really good. We become happier as thing are now, while eager for what’s next.

The emotional path towards any goal is rich and layered; a journey worth taking for its own sake. Truth be told, the underlying reason we usually have a goal is because we believe that when we reach it, we will then feel something we don’t currently feel.

“If I find the perfect partner, I’ll feel happy rather than alone.”

“If I have more money, I’ll feel secure rather than worried.”

“If I start a successful business, I’ll feel fulfilled rather than bored.”

That’s why, in this post I invited you to to discover why you want the goal you want.  Chances are, if there’s something different that you want, there’s also something different you want to feel. Some feeling that, by changing your body, relationship status, job, finances or creative expression you anticipate you’ll automatically feel.

The trouble with trying to achieve a better feeling by changing a circumstance is that manipulating physical objects like your body, business, bank account or other people is slow going. Physical structures are dense and, generally speaking, require a large investment of energy, intention, action and focus to reshape.

By contrast, emotions, being semi-solid structures like I describe in this post, will respond to intention and self-awareness very quickly.

Composed of energetic ‘substance’ rather than physical molecules, ‘negative’ emotional structures will often assume more pleasing expressions within minutes, once you get the hang of working with them.  You can see this for yourself by working with me on this recording here.

(A side note on that: if you worked with that recording once already, go back and work with it again. You’ll find your emotional energy has changed since the first time. It will be less intense, different in form, texture and perhaps position.  If you use the recording to let your awareness pass thorough through it several times, it will be completely gone. Space left where discomfort was before. I promise… but let me know!)

By moving through our emotions concerning a goal or intention, we discover a great wonder; we don’t actually have to wait for the goal before we can feel the way we want to feel.  

We can move through self-criticism to find we actually love our body before we’ve lost the weight. We can move through frustration and find we feel fulfilled before we change the job. We can move through survival fears and find ourselves feeling at peace before the test results come back.

The emotional work is powerful and gets easier and more interesting over time too. It’s like finding an undiscovered landscape within ourselves that responds to our creative touch. We become emotionally intelligent and can become highly adept and skilled. This has nothing to do with age either. Some of the most skilled emotion-shifters are kids.

And best of all, in the quirky way that quantum physics tells us ‘everything is connected’, we start to suspect that as we reshape our emotional world, the physical world around us changes as well. Weird coincidences and synchronicities start to happen…

These are personal discoveries that will be made by those who join my upcoming 6 month coaching program/PhD study.

For the record, fingers crossed, that program is tentatively scheduled to launch in June and I will post the registration links I discussed here late May.  Stay tuned!

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Daliah April 25, 2018 at 3:48 pm

Hi and thank you. Caught up. Going to do the meditation again. I’m glad you answered my unasked question re doing it again.

Alana April 22, 2018 at 6:20 pm

Dear Wendy, thanks for the meditation. In the last few weeks, I recovered the awareness of feeling the frequencies that match with the achievement of my goals for the coming months, and, perhaps for the next years. Those frequencies are Expansion, Rejuvenation, Connection, and the feeling of Being at Home. Since I remember vibrating them for a good part of the day, what happens in my daily life is changing rapidly towards ease and good.

Lisa April 18, 2018 at 1:21 am

I love it! It’s so much easier to relate to how we WANT to feel and how it differs from our present situations. I know it will take work, but I can already feel the rewards coming through! Thank you already for the shift I’m realizing – I can feel excitement rather than anxiety about change! And you’re right about my “energy ball” -it’s been changing as I work through my emotions… thank you!!

Wendy Down April 18, 2018 at 12:21 pm

That’s wonderful, Lisa! It’s almost miraculous to discover that we can choose what we feel, independent of the circumstances around us, isn’t it?

LindaD April 17, 2018 at 9:48 pm

Perfect timing, Wendy!

Just last night I was pondering how much of what I enjoyed about my visit with my parents in Reno, last November, I had created here at home in Florida.

The visit spurred the longing to move out there and be near them, reconnect, and be of assistance to them.

What I find I really enjoyed about my visit was the vast amounts of kindness, politeness and levels of appreciation, the fun, laughter and broader selection of viewpoints and topics for conversation, and the feeling of capability providing assistance to them.

When I arrived home I compared their environment and what I had experienced there, with my current home and life and what I experienced here, and I went about affirming and creating a good amount of the things I had so enjoyed about my visit.

This is not a replacement for the desired move to Reno, just a tweaking of current circumstances to match the target desired outcome. Still not sure how it could all work out, but eager to play and discover!

Wendy Down April 18, 2018 at 12:29 pm

Linda, that’s got to feel really satisfying. I want to point to something remarkable you did here that is a great lesson to all of us. You took the time to identify the specifics of what you enjoyed by being with your parents. Which, as you describe, you were then able to look for – and find – now, in your life away from them. By doing that, even though you aren’t living your full dream right now (by living near them), you see you are already closer to it than you’d thought. Because you have much of the essence of your intention right now. Bravo! I’m taking notes 🙂