A common description of Life Coaching is, ‘it helps you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be‘. Life Coaching’s focus is on the future, which distinguishes it from therapy or counselling which often address the past.
In my early coaching days, I helped my clients primarily through strategy and action. “Your goal is to start your small business so… are you ready to begin working on that website?”
While taking action is important, those early clients helped me achieve deeper insight; actions taken towards our dreams put us in direct contact with the emotional roadblocks that have been holding us back. When we start to move forward, we come face-to-face with feelings previously tucked in the recesses. Uncomfortable feelings like fear, overwhelm, risk and uncertainty come to the fore.
So, my coaching approach evolved. I started helping my clients first move forward emotionally during our conversations. Always, the most pressing emotion to address becomes naturally apparent as they start describing where they are at with a goal or intention that day.
I began using ’emotional energy shifting’ processes, (ones that pre-dated my IN DEEPER process described here), to help my clients achieve stronger footing, greater certainty and clearer vision with which to proceed.
Said another way, I learned how useful it is, when closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be in life, to first close the emotional gap between how you feel and how you want to feel.
When we’ve taken a moment to move through and beyond conflicted emotions, they can’t get in the way when we take our next step. Fears, inner conflicts, doubts and worries, once absenced, aren’t there to trip us up. We feel free and confident as we choose the next action and take it. We become increasingly lighter as we move towards our goal.
We don’t have to wait to achieve our goal before we feel really, really good. We become happier as thing are now, while eager for what’s next.
The emotional path towards any goal is rich and layered; a journey worth taking for its own sake. Truth be told, the underlying reason we usually have a goal is because we believe that when we reach it, we will then feel something we don’t currently feel.
“If I find the perfect partner, I’ll feel happy rather than alone.”
“If I have more money, I’ll feel secure rather than worried.”
“If I start a successful business, I’ll feel fulfilled rather than bored.”
That’s why, in this post I invited you to to discover why you want the goal you want. Chances are, if there’s something different that you want, there’s also something different you want to feel. Some feeling that, by changing your body, relationship status, job, finances or creative expression you anticipate you’ll automatically feel.
The trouble with trying to achieve a better feeling by changing a circumstance is that manipulating physical objects like your body, business, bank account or other people is slow going. Physical structures are dense and, generally speaking, require a large investment of energy, intention, action and focus to reshape.
By contrast, emotions, being semi-solid structures like I describe in this post, will respond to intention and self-awareness very quickly.
Composed of energetic ‘substance’ rather than physical molecules, ‘negative’ emotional structures will often assume more pleasing expressions within minutes, once you get the hang of working with them. You can see this for yourself by working with me on this recording here.
(A side note on that: if you worked with that recording once already, go back and work with it again. You’ll find your emotional energy has changed since the first time. It will be less intense, different in form, texture and perhaps position. If you use the recording to let your awareness pass thorough through it several times, it will be completely gone. Space left where discomfort was before. I promise… but let me know!)
By moving through our emotions concerning a goal or intention, we discover a great wonder; we don’t actually have to wait for the goal before we can feel the way we want to feel.
We can move through self-criticism to find we actually love our body before we’ve lost the weight. We can move through frustration and find we feel fulfilled before we change the job. We can move through survival fears and find ourselves feeling at peace before the test results come back.
The emotional work is powerful and gets easier and more interesting over time too. It’s like finding an undiscovered landscape within ourselves that responds to our creative touch. We become emotionally intelligent and can become highly adept and skilled. This has nothing to do with age either. Some of the most skilled emotion-shifters are kids.
And best of all, in the quirky way that quantum physics tells us ‘everything is connected’, we start to suspect that as we reshape our emotional world, the physical world around us changes as well. Weird coincidences and synchronicities start to happen…
These are personal discoveries that will be made by those who join my upcoming 6 month coaching program/PhD study.
For the record, fingers crossed, that program is tentatively scheduled to launch in June and I will post the registration links I discussed here late May. Stay tuned!